WHAT ARE WE WAITING
(WEIGHTING) FOR?
(Repatterning Ourselves)

Recently a friend contacted me inquiring how she could better understand herself, her past, her weight and emotional issues, and how to care for her body right now. If one eats red meat does one need colonics? Is fasting good? In writing to her I discovered even more about myself and the healing process, and felt that the information I learned could be helpful to many others through this article. So, if you feel heavy, been battling the bulge for years, feel clumsy, ugly, self-conscious, low self-esteem, or have another negative idea about yourself this article was created for you.

As a person who gained weight as a result of the adolescent onset of thyroid disease and suffered deep emotional scars as a result of being criticized for eating, I know the damage and pain one suffers, especially when they are already going through other changes. It can be debilitating. I released the majority of that old residue when, years ago, I decided to go for a look into my youth and figure out how and why I wasn't as happy as I wanted to be and why I had bought into a myth that something was wrong with me, that I wasn't "good enough" the way I was. So much emphasis was placed on the outer physical appearance based on other's opinions. The answers I uncovered in my quest showed me how powerful our thoughts and feelings are, our need for love and acceptance so deep, that it tranforms our bodies. And we take on a belief system which mostly isn't ours in origin, and begin to live our lives forgetting who we truly are, and that makes us miserable. By understanding and sharing my own experience, I hope others can benefit in healing themselves, regain their personal power, and bring into their lives more self-love and joy.

We come into this world to parents who have their own belief systems. This is our first contact with the world, and it molds us into the adult we will become. This is our first lesson on Earth - seeing who are parents are and what we came through them to experience. What is it that each being wants? Love and acceptance. And we will do anything to get them, even if it means compromising most of who we are. We want that love and acceptance from the outside world, and rarely do we realize that they must be within ourselves.

As we all know, children are very impressionable and vulnerable. It's fairly easy for kids to perform to please their parents which, they believe, will result in them being accepted and loved. Sometimes it means we test our parents by making ourselves as repulsive as possible. Could they still love us if we look or act that way? And we want to believe our parents love us and always know what's right for us. Even though our parents' intention may be in our best interest, sometimes it just doesn't end up so positive. But we want to believe our parents more than anything else, and even if they are telling us something bad about ourselves chances are we are going to buy into it. And usually that means we continue that belief system long after we've moved away from them.

If our parents begin telling us negative stories about who we are when we are infants, we begin to believe that we are bad, or stupid, or ugly - whatever they tell us - it must be the truth, right? My personal feeling is that if parents say such things to their children, the parents are tragically projecting their own inadequacies onto their children. The majority of children do not have the strength or the ability to verbalize to such parents (as just their being doesn't seem to be enough) that they are born perfect, that they are love and here to experience life for themselves and all they desire is to be loved and supported. That quickly goes out the window after hearing the negative stories because self-doubt enters the picture. Some children have the ability to see their parents, the situation they are all in, and totally analyze and comprehend the lesson learned. Usually these children will move on rapidly into a new direction of learning. But, most children are caught in confusion and conflict of who they know they are and what they are being told they are, and through the desire for love, and not being able to see or able to carry out another option, cave in to their parents' belief system.

Adults may blame their parents for taking away their self-worth and power. However, while there is more than such a simple answer, the fact remains that we, as children, bought into the system. We became just who our parents told us we are because fighting it just didn't seem a good, or safe option at the time. Maybe we didn't even know we had an option. If we had been told over and over that we were not worthy, etc., that became our reality. They gave us their belief and we took it by allowing it. In this sense, we can say we gave our power away.

The key in healing and transforming ourselves is to determine if what we were told, and what we took on, still pertains to our lives right now. By understanding, forgiveneness, and repatterning the self in a positive way, we remold ourselves for ourselves.

Let's look at a few living examples. Many women and men are self-conscious about their bodies and weight. They've had these problems most of their lives, going up and down and trying this diet and that one, never satisfied with themselves, always insecure. Their professional life, generally speaking, is not fantastic. They have dreams but never seem to be able to fulfill them. Maybe they have several plastic surgeries to make up for what they feel is not naturally pretty. Their self-esteem is low and sometimes they have trouble having relationships with a partner. They have tried all kinds of healing techniques, but so far none of them has worked. They never feel good enough, or pretty enough. They may feel victimized, and if they are it is because they see themselves as victims. (Whatever you think and feel about your Self will be projected out to the rest of the world, and the world will respond as a mirror.)

If you fit that description, the following questions are offered to you if you are interested in doing some self-healing. But before you actually answer these questions, I offer you these guidelines. The point of this exercise is for clarity, increased understanding of yourself and your experiences, and responsibility for who you are and what you've created for yourself. When you do go inside to look at your life and find the source of your beliefs about yourself, do not beat yourself up about it. Guilt is only self-hatred, anger at one's self, and manifests as self-sabotage and eats away at you. Compassion and understanding about how and why it was created for you is of value here. Forgiveness (which doesn't mean you have to like or condone what happened) is also important because it means you understand the mechanics of how and why it was created, and how you realize and accept that it was what you created as your choice for what was occurring at the time. It was the best you could do then.

Okay, how can you be more clear on how your negative story began, and how can you transform it today? And you must, because no one needs to keep suffering and repeating old stories to themselves. First, by going back and remembering how it started. Strip away the layers, peel down to the raw YOU. You can substitute almost anything in place of "weight," such as your face or another body part or trait, in these questions.

1. What is your very first memory of this lifetime? Can you recall your pure essence? How did you feel about your Self?

2. When and through which circumstances did you first begin to believe you were fat or ugly, not worthy and had no power? Did you hear many "mixed" messages?

3. Who defined you and gave terms to you about yourself? (i.e., was it through films or commercials portraying the perfect woman who is skinny, stupid or a wimp. Or, of a man who was tough, had to be financially successful at all costs, yet hid his feelings? Was it through parents who said you were such and such, or was it via a religious vehicle? Were you molested or abused?)

4. What was taught to you about success, money, life, work, value, love, relationships, God?

5. What were you being FED by the people and circumstances at the time?

6. Why did you choose to buy into that story about who you are?

7. How has it served you to take on that belief system? What did you learn from it?

8. Did you keep the weight (or negative self-image) because it served as protection, and if so from whom or what? Do you feel being bigger means being more powerful or threatening? How has being this way made YOU feel?

9. How did it weigh you down and keep you from being all that YOU are?

10. Where is the weight, or other problem, most predominant, and what can that teach you about where you keep it? Ask your body.

11. Did you keep it so your parents could keep their image of who they think you are, or want you to be? Or, did your parents transfer their feelings for the other parent, or from their own inadequacies, onto you and you accepted it?

12. Do you still wish to keep it, or let it go?

13. What will make you really feel good? What needs to change for you to love who you are?

14. What does the language you use say about yourself and your life?

You will see that your negative self-image did NOT originate only from yourself. Either someone told you something or you interpreted something said to you which created this belief about who you are, and you accepted it. If you no longer desire to keep that belief, give yourself permission to let it go.

Here's a personal example I can relate to you. My mother always had a weight problem. She was a freak about dieting - she was into all of it: fasting, the new diet fad, enemas, laxatives, anti-acids. And, she tried to drag me into all of her kicks - like joining Weight Watchers or going on a cottage cheese diet - YUCK! To this day I can't go near cottage cheese, it makes me gag. I was skinny until I was fifteen - when my thyroid went bonkers. Then I gained lots of weight (which I later lost). But even as youngster, my mother attempted to get me to be part of her dietary schemes. I hated all of that focus on dieting. I could see that she hated the way she looked and that was sad. Even to the day she was put into a nursing home she worried about how fat she was or what the food she was eating was in terms of calories. But the funny thing was that she still ate everything in sight, and then condemned herself for eating it! How healthy was that?! When I went back to learn more about my own weight issues, I realized that she had projected her own self-hatred, denial and non-acceptance onto me, and I began to feel that way about myself.

When I gained the weight due to my thyroid condition, as you may recall from my article on the thyroid, I wasn't eating at all and was miserable enough getting fat from nothing. To add to that, both of my parents were making my life hell by criticizing every morsel of food I put into my mouth. (I was later able to release that and see that it came from their own stuff.) But back then, I bought into the negative story about who I was due to their pre-conditioning (which stifled my creative expression as a youngster, which contributed to the thyroid condition). Even though they didn't want to see or accept me for who I was, and tried to mold me into something they thought I should be, they didn't take my power away. They did create conditions which made me question myself, but I gave it away to them - even though I fought it, I bought into it. I believed it so much that even if someone told me I was beautiful I wouldn't believe them. It was only twenty years LATER that I could look back at myself in photos and see that I really was (and still am) beautiful - inside and out. Truly, no one takes your power away unless you hand it over to them and let them abuse you because you started to believe the negative scenario about yourself.

I had taken on my parents' belief system. And their stuff was thrown on me because of what THEY were going through. Granted, some of it was done out of love and care about my health, but how it was done was not healthy. My parents, however, did the best they could from their perception. My father had a heart problem and felt it was caused by a bad diet. Not true, but that belief came from the limited understanding the doctors had back then because his problem was a weak heart muscle, not clogged arteries, and yet they put the weak heart muscle into the same category. The weak and damaged heart came from my dad closing himself off from receiving love. It wasn't flexible and strong. He was a master at giving love, but not always in receiving it. He had a conflict there. And as already explained, my mother always had a weight problem, so she placed her projections of what she saw as her own failings onto me.

I feel this happens to many of us. Our parents define us and we became what they defined. We then took on that belief of who we were/are. When we can finally release the false us and get back to our core we will lighten up because we will release all of that old belief system.

So, what are you waiting/weighting for when you can lighten up and move forward now with YOURSELF....not your mother's or your father's or whoever's myths about who you are...but YOU, who you are? And believe me, it will not be a struggle, but a joy. If you decide not to become a skinny minny, or look like a super-model, so what? (By the way, that's a super mantra given to us by the being known as Bashar: "SO WHAT?" Try it out!) You know now who you are and are in charge of yourself, with no one else feeding you lies, or negative stories, or heavy stuff that sticks to you. Go with your feelings, what feels right for who YOU are. And the best news of all is, if you don't like one way, so what? You always have others to choose from.

OTHER RESPONSIBLE SOLUTIONS

What can we do in terms of helping our bodies through nutrition? Many things, starting with getting to know your own body. What are your eating patterns? Do you need to eat every few hours? How does your body digest what you're putting into it? Does your body feel good?

Whether some so-called health experts agree with me or not, I don't feel everyone needs fasting or colonics if we are eating balanced foods which naturally clean us out each day and give us the nutrition our body needs. I take some vitamins but not a fanatic about them. I have fruit each day, protein and fresh vegetables, some carbs. I love many kinds of foods. Love my ice cream, potato chips and cookies - won't give them up, but will limit my intake of them. If my body has digestive problems, it is rare, but then I have to see what I've been eating and if it's not related to food, then I have to look at my emotions and my metabolism to see why I'm out of whack. Stress plays a big role on how our body processes food.

I'm not at all into fasting or colonics and think that people who are obsessed with them need to look at their fear issues and ask themselves if they are anal retentive. Why do they believe their body cannot process or release what it needs to on its own? The first question should be is there be a problem because of what you're eating? If it isn't, then look deeper. The colon represents that which you hold onto; judgment; the past and emotions you cannot release. If you have problems in this area you have to work it out spiritually, psychologically. What don't you want to let go of and how does it serve you to hang onto it? Everyone needs to know their own body and listen to it and by using your feelings you get in touch with your body much more.

If you know your body and can handle a fast, (and check with your own health sources to see if it makes sense for you if you have any doubts), how about a one day fast once a month? Just drink vegetable or fruit juices. But, regardless of a juice fast, drink plenty of water every day.

Another really cool way of eating is by respecting our seasons. What is in season right now is pretty much what our body needs and should be eating. Then you are in synch with the earth and natural cycles. And our body is getting what it needs for the timing. So, in summer what is the main staple? Fruits and vegies. Mostly fruits. It is because they are light, made of lots of water and vitamins which helps us make it through the heat. Salads and fruits, pasta, the lighter foods are great in summer. The earth provides during all of the seasons and I really feel if we honor our bodies in that way, we are going to be in top condition inside.

If you are concerned about eating too much red meat, then ease up on the amount and frequency. Chicken, pork, lamb and veal fall into different categories from red meat and do other things for your body. They are better for you but not every day. Chicken or turkey would be a better staple for frequent meat-eating. If you like tofu (I happen to hate it), or fish, you can substitute it for meat. I was off of red meat for over ten years, then went back to eating it. However, I can't digest red meat very well anymore. It's harder and heavier on my body, as my body now prefers the lighter foods.

We go through phases in our lives and that means our body does, too. As we age we don't need the heavy stuff - our bodies naturally seek to lighten up as we are focusing more on our spiritual side. Not neglecting the body, but realizing that at forty or fifty we don't need the same foods we did when we were teens or in our twenties. Have you asked your body what it needs food-wise for it to function smoothly? When you go to the market, do you let your body direct you to foods, or do you just plan it all out mentally before you're there? I let my body guide me 90% of the time when I'm in the market. Sometimes I'm very surprised at what it picks out! But, when I eat it, wow - I know that's exactly what I needed! Sometimes I go through phases where I want one item over and over and over for a couple of months, and then I leave it alone for years. It was what my body needed right then to create balance.

Strange, but true: On several occasions fruit has literally jumped off the produce shelves right to me or into my cart as I was walking into the section. No one else was around but me and a companion. It was as if a spirit had picked up the fruit and tossed it over to me. Maybe that is what happened? But, I sure pay attention when such things happen as it is one more universal hint as to what I might need. Ever have items suddenly fall off of shelves right when you were next to them?

Understanding that we eat to live, not live to eat, can change your life dramatically. Begin to take notice when you start nibbling. Why are you eating and what are you eating? Get clear about it. Are you hungry, or filling yourself because you feel something emotionally lacking within? Are old stories coming back to haunt you? Work through them again and release them. Only you can fill that empty space by loving yourself. When you prepare food, energize it with your life force so all the nutrition is given to your body with love. When you eat, enjoy each bite and taste it fully. Take your time and don't pressure your Self.

Then, of course, there is exercise. Your choice, whatever turns you on and is fun. Variety is the spice of life, so don't get stuck in routines - these routines may contribute to retention of weight and water. If the energy doesn't move, the weight will remain. So you can move it from the inside out spiritually, and from the outside in - through exercise.

No matter what you decide to do to create the new you (now that you know who YOU are), have fun with it and enjoy your life as creator. Remember, we are divine beings and loved just as we are. We chose our experiences as an expression of that divinity, and to show us where we need to get in more in touch with it so we can experience more of it. The more we do, the more confident and self-empowered we become and brighter do we radiate throughout our own body and to the rest of the world. We are transforming ourselves more and more each moment through our own creation - and that is pure love and beauty.