This article is written in response to many letters I have received from people sharing that due to the events and foci in their lives they sincerely feel they have become disconnected from their Source. They all ask me, "Where and how do I start to re-connect with my Self?" And, "Is it too late?" In response to the second question, no, it's never too late, and it's always with us, if only we can re-member what it is and feels like, how to know that we're really in touch with that core essence of ourselves. The rest of the article will center on answering the first question.

I completely understand what you say about feeling cut off from the spiritual part of life and wanting to know how one begins to re-connect. I confess that many years ago I intentionally cut my Self off from listening to my own essence because I felt too "different" from others. It wasn't easy being an empathic/psychic kid, then as a woman with a very uncommon memory and knowledge in a world of those who shunned or ridiculed people who were open and unique.

I didn't feel I had permission, let alone support, to be my Self. I believed that if I succumbed to others' demands and became what made others more comfortable my life would be easier and everyone else would be happier. That experience taught me that I had committed a type of spiritual suicide in denying who I was. And when I realized how lost and miserable I felt (I didn't even know who I was anymore), and knowing that I bought into living a lie, I decided to return to my Self. The process made my journey much more challenging and even more rewarding. It took years of deliberate work with my whole self, part by part, untying the knots in the rope of my life and following the threads which led me back to my core.

I also had lots of loving help because I wanted to cover it all - homeopathic doctors, Bach Flower Remedies, nutritionists, chiropractors, channels, my own guides, books, therapists, etc. One healer asked me what I've always wanted to do - and at that time I was so weak I even felt guilty for expressing my dreams! Oy! When I verbally admitted my long-time dream to him, he helped me go for achieving it through simple encouragement and faith, and helping me rebuild those in my Self. I did it. Thank God, thanks to him and to me for having the guts to go through with it because getting back to my own spirituality, my Self, saved my life. And while I have rejoined so much of my Self, it's still an on-going process. I had a fun moment of awareness and healing of my own trek in a poem I wrote called The Ultimate Paradox (listed in my log). You may be able to relate to it, too.

Indeed, the issue of getting back to our spirituality is in re-connection, re-membering and giving ourselves permission to be who we are. Well...let's say the term "re-connection" is in a sense misleading because we're never really disconnected; we tend to live in the ILLUSION that we are disconnected because our focus has been turned to other things. The more we focused on the other things, the harder it became to remember what we left behind. The distractions of life easily accomplish that, unless we pay close attention and have some regularity in nurturing our Selves with our own essence, the Source within.

When we deny, suppress, repress who we are, our natural Selves will sooner or later rebel because the Self feels it has been forced to be what it isn't. That rebellion sometimes takes the form of sudden and "irrational" massive violence. Look around the world and the increase in violence - can you see what the real cause of this is? Who is not being heard, acknowledged, allowed to be who they are, and supported? What is being feared? The pure, unique, creative, naturally loving and peaceful Self.

Okay - so you feel disconnected right now and want to get back to your core Self, re-member who you are and why you are here. Where do you begin? The starting point in any new venture includes admission, desire, intent, focus, willingness to take responsibility - all with honesty. Truth is the essence you seek, the truth of who YOU are, so you must be honest with your Self about everything and with everyone - becoming acutely aware of how much honesty you wish to share, with whom, and in which way you wish to share it. But, first - be honest with your Self. Each day be a bit more honest, and you'll feel such a release and a freedom which will empower you to follow even more of your true Soul.

Your feelings (emotions and body) are your best guide into to your Self. What do you and your body feel? Start with your senses: What do you smell, taste, touch, feel, hear, intuit? What feels true for you? Where does your body feel loose or tight? Does your body feel comfortable or fearful? Do you love your body? Does your body react in anxiety or with resistence? Does it move easily and fluidly? Do you feel any pain? If so, where is it in your body? Ask that pain and that part of your body to speak to you and tell you about why it hurts and what it needs to be healed. Go with the first thing that comes to you. Start trusting in your senses and learn how and why they respond in your life. You are not separate from your body - your spirit is in and around your body, your body is in and around your spirit. Are your responses yours, or conditioned reactions that you learned and took on from someone else? Would you like to change your responses?

The next step is to pay attention to your dreams, daydreams included, interests, familiarities, patterns, because these are all created by yourself. Where do they lead you? What excites you, what reminds you of some part of yourself from another "time" or place? Is there an era that appeals to you? Do you want to travel to one place that keeps drawing your attention, or a field of study that you can't ignore? What do you remember of your childhood fantasies? What can you remember of an important childhood event which may have shut off your Self from your Self? Any imaginary playmates or hard to explain experiences? What is it that you don't want to do - and is it because you aren't facing something about yourself and willing to work through it or because you just don't want to do it - have no desire there? What are your real tastes and what did you take on from others in your life - stuff that isn't yours? What little urges have been hanging around you and yet you pushed them aside thinking you'll do it later, or you just felt darn silly about having them? Pay attention to these little things - they are re-minding you of who you are.

Another thing you can do in re-connecting with your essence is to get out of your habitual patterns. Start easy, changing one thing a week, for example. If you do things with one predominant hand, use the other hand instead. If you never take a walk, start walking around your block once a day. Change little things in your living or work space - move furniture around. Do things you never did before and you may even find that you prefer the new. When you're stuck in the same old routines, you are stagnant and blocked. Re-membering and growth also happens through change.

Meditating is another good method for re-membering who you are, regenerating your energy, connecting with more knowledge. Even ten minutes a couple of times a day can make such a difference in your life. To be still and quiet, letting go of all your tensions and fears, worries and pressures, taking time for self-loving by soaking up the universal RA energy of love, light and truth, and to ask for answers and trust that somehow, some way, you will receive them. You can ask for your angels, guides, your personal universal name, and focus on your given/chosen name at birth. Do you resonate to your name - how does it feel? You can start a daily journal of questions, answers received, list those long lost desires and goals, and keep track of how much you have created for your Self because YOU wanted to, and include how great you feel when you accomplish your goals. This is self-loving, taking self-responsibility (responding to your SELF), self-respecting, and self-empowering - all building more trust of and for your Self in the process.

Getting to YOUR inner truth is where it all begins and what it's all about, and it's an on-going process with many layers. You may grow by leaps and bounds in one hour, or one year. Each person has their own time frame and growth chart. I emphasize this over and over: find your own inner guidance and learn to trust it and lead your Self. Along the way we may not be able to do every step alone and we can choose teachers and supporters; those who don't limit or distract us from being our true Self, but those who help encourage it to be unearthed and blossom even more through compassion, honesty, responsibility and joy. Above all - ENJOY the journey because it's taking you deeper in to the beauty and wonder that YOU are and deserve to be!





© Copyright 1999,2002, Estelle Nora Harwit Amrani